Create wealth, thrive in marriage, and a force more powerful than charisma – George Matthew AKA Sparkie [E017]

George (AKA Sparkie) join us today and unleashes a tidal wave of knowledge, wisdom, challenges, and inspiration.

• You will learn simple strategies for adding value.
• How to nurture your network to create wealth.
• The mindset needed to not merely survive but THRIVE in marriage.
• What force is more powerful than charisma.

 

And MORE… Truly I want to past a transcript of the entire episode here because it is that rich.

Please find and follow Sparkie here: Instagram

And the book we mentioned about character: Stephen Covey’s book: Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Thank you for listening.

You can find me on Instagram, linkedin, and of course www.lucasskrobot.com

 

Transcript

[00:00:00.660] –

Today on OWN the future we talk about how to create wealth from your professional network how to not survive but thrive in your marriage and the one force that is more powerful than charisma.

[00:00:17.280]

Welcome to own the future a pod cast made by and for change makers where we gain the courage to own our story freedom to own our craft empower to own the future. I’m your host Lucas robots. We are joined by George Bethel Matthew a.k.a. a sparky. In fact I’d never call him his real name.

[00:00:42.870] –

I’ve never heard anyone call him his real name Sparky. Thank you for being here today. Now Sparky you are born and raised in Oman. For those of you who maybe don’t know Sparky is a dear friend of mine. You are the reason in many ways that my family moved to this country because of your hospitality because of your your servant hood your service everything that you did for us years ago. And when often in my life I I think of Sparky when I’m stuck. I think WW S.D. with Sparky do especially when it comes to business stuff to mindset stuff like okay in this situation what would Sparky do. Sparky is an entrepreneur. He has flipped the watches worth probably more than I can imagine flipped cars started businesses side hustles fashion lines interior design companies outfit companies. There is probably another hundred things that I don’t know that Sparky has done and he won’t tell me because he’s so humble which is probably one reason I love Sparky so much and also love to hate him so much because he’s such an enigma. He’s like an international man of mystery. And so I am so honored that you’d be here today in this studio for the first time actually first guest and I am really interested to see where this goes.

[00:02:24.630] –

Today our conversation because every time we meet every time we hang out it’s I’m always left trying to pull my jaw up off the floor thinking like Man I need to get a life together.

[00:02:37.290]

Come on then I’m absolutely humbled. Just listening to you and it is my actually my honor to sit here on this chair because I want you to know that I’m so proud of what you’re doing and it’s truly my honor to be here with you today.

[00:02:53.010] –

Thanks Sparky. So let’s. I want to I want to start off just to give a little bit broader context for who you are. Where where is your family from where were you born.

[00:03:03.620] –  1

Yeah. OK. My family is from India and my mom and dad moved to mine about forty nine years ago. So I was born in Oman as a third culture kid grew up in Oman and did school my whole life pretty much actually and Oman has been home for me. Yeah yeah. That’s in Muscat in Muscat. Yeah yeah.

[00:03:26.370] –

What’s the best trauma in Muscat.

[00:03:29.790]

There’s a place for all those Omani friends of mine. No in an alcove there is a place called Impreza. There’s a that’s the place to go. You know you have your chicken meet with the Oman Chips. Oh Oman ships with the chili sauce. You know that’s that’s that. That’s the drive there. So that’s yeah I would say that’s the best shawarma place right now or if ever.

[00:03:52.260] –

What was it like growing up in Oman one as in India. Like it from an Indian background. As a third culture kid in Oman in to how it’s changed so much over the last 20 30 years.

[00:04:08.860] –  1

Right. It’s it’s for us. It’s been good because Oman by by nature is a very humble country. And even even the the the the nature of the people of the land is not such that makes you feel an outsider. Yeah it’s of course the core things that that probably you know throws you off here and there. But that that came to my realization probably very later in my life. What do you mean by that. What throws you off. Oh that. Actually I don’t belong to the land that I could leave tomorrow. My visa is made redundant. I felt so much like home. Had you felt so integrate into society. Yes. Growing up it was absolutely about. There’s no difference between me as an Indian or as an money. You know we stand together. Yeah. It felt absolutely at home. And it is still I feel the same way as well. But of course when it comes to owning a business it’s a whole different ballgame. So you have to be a certain way or you know you’re bound to a visa given to you. And if if you don’t fulfill certain things you have to leave the country. You know so these kind of things probably came to my realisation only when I started business and when you start in business then you kind of see a divide and divide. Yeah yeah but I guess the country has the right to do that. It’s not a bad thing. You know it’s it’s just that you feel that you need to find a space and that’s where I feel like I am a third culture kid. I think you know so initially I always struggled with that because I never felt like I belonged anywhere. Even if I go back home let’s say to India which is a home away from home right. I couldn’t stay there for more than 10 to 15 days because for me. Yes in blood. Probably I’m Indian. But in culture I’m so different. Probably not in a bad way in a good way or whatever it might be how I always see it. It’s just I couldn’t fit in. Yeah. And it you mean you have to fit enough to force myself to fit in like you know so I’m ready to come back. All mine in that sense has really kind of kept me in that in that space.

[00:06:27.470]

So yeah it’s interesting. I’m a third culture kid too.

[00:06:33.330] –

How I guess that maybe our experiences are different. I was a third culture kid because my dad was a pilot and we moved a lot. Right. But you were a third culture kid because you’re from another culture and you’re born in a raised. Yeah. In that second culture right.

[00:06:51.440] –

I think it seems like you would have like a more sense of permanence and home in Oman even though you’re an outsider. Yeah. How do you deal with those emotions or the reality that it’s it’s not you don’t have a passport from that country right.

[00:07:07.460] –  1

Well it’s it’s a hard reality. It’s it’s not that we couldn’t. That was again a difference between me and my dad as well because my dad has a certain way of looking at life and doing life which is a good thing. A good chunk of who I am is because of who my dad and my mom is as well. I think the upbringing was phenomenal. But the foresight or the division behind even becoming a potential of money was not something that was a primary focus for my father. For him it’s okay. Whenever I retire and go back home. The funny thing is never retired in 76 today. He doesn’t want to leave but he will not admit to it. But that’s probably just his way of thinking. But I came to peace with that when I was probably 15 years ago when we had the opportunity to pursue that opportunity. Like you know I was in a phase where my dad could have but he didn’t. I was not I was not in peace for the longest time for that because I was like he didn’t see what I want huh. He only looked at what he wanted. So I was in conflict but then I realized my dad’s you know he’s in a he’s designed a certain way so I can project my frustration onto him and expect him to be what I wanted to be like you know. So over there I found peace in in in terms of what he wanted me to be and continue pursuing my journey.

[00:08:33.350] –

How did how did you go about that. That a long process was at a moment. I think it was a long process actually. What was it that caused the realization that I’m being selfish and I’m viewed myself as a victim victimizer. Like how did that how did you come to that realization.

[00:08:50.510] –  1

2002 is when I actually started my business. Prior to that I was working with a company for three years and I hit that saturation point very quickly that I need I needed to get out of there because I knew if I don’t get our company in the company that’s the time when I was talking to my father about being the money. So my focus was in that time probably I was young I definitely was centered around very selfish reasons of you know if I’m local you know my approach to business is very different and what I can gain from that is very different. So as I think more selfish for more selfish reasons like you said it was more commercial based kind of mindset if that makes any sense because I was like if I if I’m if I’m a local my I can do this then I can do that. No one can question me in that sense of you know like no one can touch me kind of a feeling one step further from it. You know it’s all right. I understand that is that is where it all started off.

[00:09:51.820] –

But you’re present. Was are the right word resentment. Maybe yeah frustration. Yeah yeah definitely it all started when you started began in business and you realized you could have another level of opportunity had your dad made this decision.

[00:10:05.150] –  1

Exactly. So because for me to start a business and give away fifty fifty one percent on on on on a piece of paper it didn’t sit right with me like you know at such an early stage. Yes. Because I used to read and you know watch other entrepreneurs who are really soaring high and doing really well and to have 100 percent freedom as an entrepreneur as well huge and not be held down by this concept of 51 49 or whatever it might be. Right. Even though the profit shed might be different but but it’s just the concept of being tied down. I was I wanted to get over that somehow or the other like you know so my focus initially did become an Omani was that actually. So that’s that’s probably why I bought a certain amount of frustration with my father. But then I got kind of released out of that when he when he kind of you know said it’s not gonna happen you know. So that I had to move on. You had to process it and I had to process it in my life like you know and this is what’s gonna be so. I mean it probably took me about three to four months five months six months probably but I move on fairly quickly. Yes. I don’t hold things as that’s my nature. Yeah. So yeah. So yeah what was that first business that you started. It was a design consultancy company because I was working for interior design and company before that. That was the trait that I knew that I know if I step out that I can do something with it and make money with it as well. So I was confident in my trade so it didn’t make sense for me to start something that I wasn’t confident with.

[00:11:44.890] –

So. Right so there’s there’s. I’ve heard people talk about there is you know a thoroughbred entrepreneur your born entrepreneur it’s in your DNA there’s nothing else you can do. If you are in you know a quote unquote job and you feel tied down it’s like it feels like suffocation and death and you have to be broken free and then there’s those who have entrepreneurial tendencies. So those who may be in occupations in the normal job are always trying to innovate in create entrepreneurial aspects within their job roles but they aren’t. Maybe like the number one they aren’t they they aren’t built or wired to just go out on their own and start a business. So for you Did you feel like your entrepreneurship was something that was you were born with or is it something that you grew into.

[00:12:40.150] –  1

I think it’s a good combination of both. In a weird way that I say for me I believe it’s three years of me working with someone that ruffled the entrepreneurship out of me. Who is that person at haunted and take names. But my ex boss let’s say he had a certain way of doing things I appreciated his way of doing work. But he brought the best and the worst out of me. So that really helped me realize that there is something that’s inside me I need to bring out. But probably if I didn’t go through those three years I would have not discovered that extra element about my life because he pushed me over the edge. In a good way and a bad way as well.

[00:13:24.210] –

Can you give an example of how you put has been pushed over the edge.

[00:13:28.180] –  1

I mean let it be in terms of emotions let it be in terms of work hours. Let it be in terms of ethics. Let it be in terms of life because we kind of pushed your personal boundaries. Absolutely. Like you know. So even in terms of work ethics as well. All right. Because we there were elements where he had the grid to approach anyone irrelevant of designation in a very strong manner because what he did was good.

[00:13:57.840]

He was very confident where he delivered as well so I took on that trade very quickly because for me I approach people straight to the heart. Let it be work or let it be friend conversation. It’s for me it’s straight to the heart. You’re not a small talk person. I mean I just cut to the bone. I love the small talk if you know if you for anybody you know in a social setting.

[00:14:21.030]

Yeah probably for the first three seconds I was going to say how true the fifth party.

[00:14:27.730] –  1

Yeah. So how was the weather. That’s my small talk. You know so yeah after that it’s straight to the heart you know. So those are the kind of things that I saw in him that kind of pushed me as well. But then taking it out coming on the other side in terms of the extra hours or the unexpected or the higher expectations. That was you know that was projected onto me that pushed me to a place like OK fine now I’m feeling edgy but I am this is a good feeling or not. Well I didn’t have the capacity to fully process it then but I did drive me to a place to make a decision saying that I think if I proceed with this kind of in this kind of a situation or this kind of an atmosphere I will either quit like prematurely or I will do something that’s not probably good.

[00:15:20.430] –

Like you know so like did you feel like you were going to compromise on your own effects and become corrupt.

[00:15:27.060]

Yeah I mean it’s a possibility because I had the opportunity of meeting a lot of people because of that platform exposure to relationship that I didn’t have before. So I had the option of choosing adaptation of a shortcut. Temptation of a shortcut. Let it be freelancing.

[00:15:46.200]

Let it be doing something that I feel I can make an extra buck or whatever it might be because I need to satisfy that push all the the frustration into something that can now justify my feeling like you know so I had to do something with that feeling and that feeling is to either either continue and stay there and do what I’m feeling or quit and take the risk of actually going out full fledge you know. So and I had to take a call and that’s about it. That’s what I got to actually. So that makes sense.

[00:16:22.980] –

So when you quit that job you started your own business. Yes. There’s interior designers that this the first business you started or when you were younger did you have. Were you like flipping things.

[00:16:34.560]

Yeah I’ve always had a few side houses and I will tell you about your some of your side hustles.

[00:16:39.050] –  1

I don’t know about you know well like I was sharing with you earlier when we were having coffee. I used to collect up from stuff Trump says is a card game you know only gives you a sense that is things and data about that would be a bunch of cars and you play with friends you know. And you based on who’s got the hired stats cards you. So this had a set of you know every now and then they had limited versions of cards that came out. So I tend to always keep an eye on these kind of things and flip it with the friends that were collecting yeah maybe nothing big if it’s what I do reality Omani Omani else then I’ll probably settle for 2.5. Yeah. It’s just the joy of like Hey listen I’ve got something.

[00:17:21.950]

I got I got here I’ve got a deal for you.

[00:17:24.490] –

Did that progress as he got. Was that in primary schools and high school.

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I would say like Yeah it it’s ninth and. That’s when I actually got into thinking of me. There’s more to life than just cruising you know just you know the money that that’s given me for life. There’s definitely more to that. All the money that that’s giving me that I can you know invest and probably bring back more money is what that kind of thing. Yes.

[00:17:47.630] –

So you quit so you already have these tendencies of flipping stuff as in high school. You have a job and you push the limit. You’re like I’m going to go off on my own and start my own business. And probably within the first year he made but millions of dollars and you had like a booming success.

[00:18:04.680]

No not at all. That’s that’s it sounds great.

[00:18:10.010] –  3

But it was very different than that. But just before that as well leading into the job I was I mean as a musician I am a musician as well. Yeah. Music was has been always a vital part of my life. So during that season of me flipping small of things I like the things I was sharing with you I used to play in bands as well and make some extra bucks.

[00:18:32.040] –  1

Yeah. And for my age in the 10th 11th 12th grade I used to make some decent money which helped me look into other things that could you know either buy and sell or actually for myself you know and explore that opportunity as well. Like you know. So yeah fast forward that’s bad. Where did you start to buy and sell though. Oh it could be a guitar or you know.

[00:18:54.150] –

So you just found you were just hustling hustling anything that you could find a margin on he’d buy at low so it high.

[00:19:00.780] –  1

Absolutely. Yeah but buy it at the right price if it gives me pleasure I use it for a while but I always take care of it. So even if I sell it it’s sold in premium condition. Yeah. And so I’m always aware of those kind of things because that’s where the edges and then create the value of me owning it. And then the other person wanting it like you know so creating that space is something that I’ve always been aware of. Can you unpack that.

[00:19:26.010]

This is really interesting I think.

[00:19:28.950] –

And you know look at celebrities celebrities and they can just buy the fact that they own something or own something they can sell it for more money. Right. So how did you create value by the fact that you owned a guitar or you own something where is that. How does that play out what’s that margin there.

[00:19:50.160]

Right okay. I mean first of all it’s the product itself. Yeah and it added value to what I wanted to do. So I just wouldn’t go by just another guitar or just another top drum or whatever it might be I would look for what is unique within that space. And then within my circle of friends or the people that I know they know that I handle a product a certain way like if I buy it. It doesn’t degrade delayed should degrade I maintain it. And there is a sudden ritual I keep I mean he’s I’m a weirdo that way probably even if I buy an iPhone for example. Yeah I will maintain the plastic wrapping on the box because I’ll only cut the edge where I can just enough open the box. And I will keep the earphones and the USB cable in the box so that a year later when a new iPhone comes I can flip the existing iPhone at a better price because I’ve got the better stuff rather than going on drizzle or somewhere wherever it might be and just buying an iPhone like you know so adding value looks like going a little bit. It’s in the details. It’s in the details. It’s a little bit you know it’s going over the edge which people probably might think is weird for me. I really didn’t mind that. I didn’t mind people called me a weirdo. It doesn’t doesn’t matter to me doesn’t faze me great because I’m going to be laughing at the end. Exactly. You know and in the video I make an extra buck you know. Yeah. So someone else didn’t make it. Hey you know so probably these kind of things that’s what drew attention or builds that space within your friend.

[00:21:27.150] –  3

I’m not to celebrate you anything but at least it gave me that extra that extra element. OK. He saves his box of for his phone you know. So he might you know.

[00:21:38.160]

Definitely the device is in good condition. Not a single scratch whatever it might be. Things like that. You know because of that you can get it at a premium. Absolutely. And that’s I think it’s a very simple example of whatever I do in life or own in life. You know I look at it from that perspective. Yes.

[00:21:59.310] –

So you know it’s true. I think in all of our conversations and ever since I’ve known you you’re always looking at the long term game. Yeah. Like what. Like what’s our 30 year game plan. Where am I going in 30 40 50 years. Where where are my children going. How am I building something that’s multigenerational that will outlive me will outlive my children my grandchildren. Yeah. But but you don’t just kind of stay there in this dreamland like what’s the you know three thousand twenty two going to look like. You bring it down to this such a micro detailed level such as. OK. And I’m not going to take the plastic wrap off a box set and I’m going to use my old headphones and my old iPhone cable to preserve this one in the box. Perfect condition. Right. On Open condition pretty much.

[00:22:49.920] –  1

Yeah well it didn’t happen right from the beginning. So I mean all these small elements might have existed when translating into business. I know you asked me a question a few minutes ago. What happened after. After work you know. So this is a combination of the frustration building in Dawn citing the business and and the potential life details and a little bit foresight is when I started or was how I started and I didn’t have depth of knowledge or foresight 10 years ahead or whatever it might be then 2002 let’s say older yet.

[00:23:26.640]

When you started your business just give some context. So I’m saying that 16 years ago I’m 39 now going into 40. So I’m just making the hill. I know I know it is it is it’s it’s interesting. Wow. Someone told me yesterday I look 26 so I’m a I’m.

[00:23:45.110]

I’m going with that.

[00:23:46.260]

Actually it keeps me out keeps me happy keeps me young and me and so and keeps him going as well but it didn’t come right from the beginning. But I did I I. I knew the detail was important to that that was there from day one. I guess that comes from a mom and a little bit of my dad.

[00:24:09.210]

People call it OCD. I call it OCO. You know it’s like it’s an order. It’s not a disorder.

[00:24:19.800]

So because she was very meticulous in terms of how she does life and I know even even if and if it’s things in her kitchen she has a certain way of doing things and that applied to me through life as well. And my dad is is more of a generous person than off of foreseeing person. So I think it’s the element of details and generosity that pushed me into seeing a bigger picture actually because because of a generous atmosphere like my father if he knows that I like something or he’s always encouraged me to you know do something. If he finds like oh he loves them he loves music. Let me let me buy him a little keyboard. You know he was he was that guy you know my mom was the process person you know OK son it’s 6 o’clock you know you need to do this you need to do this here’s this this this this go you know go do your day and so growing up in that culture it helped me both to see details in life and be generous in life as well so generosity is the minds that I I I walked into and I started business but I didn’t have all the money then I had to actually put aside you know with the money that I hustled or whatever it might be and then of course a little bit of help from certain well-wishers in life is how I started off in life but it helped me achieve then as an expat in Oman to get the highest grade possible as an entrepreneur visa wise status. So I was in in the space of mind where I was an absolutely buddy.

[00:25:58.310] –  1

Well to create it was it was really a blessing that it happened that way. So and I really have to thank a few people around me who really pushed me in that direction in the process of the three years that I wanted to do what I wanted to do as well. So the vision board came in probably four five years into me opening business probably.

[00:26:20.250] –

So it really quick. So it was a three in that three years. Yeah most of that three years you started planning and strategizing preparation preparing to launch your own business. Absolutely. It wasn’t like you got set up with your job and you’re like That’s it I quit. I know I’ll open a business tomorrow. Yes it was three years of preparation and mentorship from people around you. Yeah. Before you took that leap.

[00:26:46.540]

Yeah. It was because for me working for somebody was a great concept. But I always had in the back of my mind that it’s not term because I saw my father in that role.

[00:26:58.000]

I mean he’s been on that one job for the last 43 years out of the 49 years no man to me. I didn’t want to be that good. I can probably he he’s built that way. But I knew I wasn’t built that way. Oh by then I’ve already been exposed to international all you know all the friends I have my life. So I see people and I’ve heard and been influenced by a lot more things than my probably my dad had had or wanted to be influenced by. So choice. Right.

[00:27:29.590]

So so definitely I was in that space where I went and saying listen OK this is not long term I have to have something ready. But I didn’t know what exactly probably it might have looked like but I was ready to exit. I was ready to exit. But while I’m there I was all in as well. So it’s a it’s. Yeah.

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You know I think it’s a what I like about that.

[00:27:53.820] –

I feel at least from what I’ve seen people get this angst and frustration with their job. And so they just take a leap but they have they haven’t prepared their parachute. Yeah right they haven’t like done the necessary preparations. They just leap and then they try to figure something out. Yeah. Whereas you with a little bit of foresight and then the systems and preparations you were able to take time and lay out a game plan so that you could leap with a higher probability of success. Exactly. So what happened in those those four you’re about to bifurcate you off you were about to say that something happens in those first five six years of business right.

[00:28:33.470]

I mean I had to find out things the hard way because I thought you know I’m a business owner now you know from day one like you said you know I didn’t make the millions out but I thought I would. But it wasn’t that easy to see because because I realized I had the ability to for details to a certain level. But when it comes to good came to things like administration and the mundane things of life looked very different in the business realm then my day to day chores of doing things as well and foreseeing potential trouble or potential opportunities I had to kind of fine tuned because everything is not an opportunity was not all good things are beneficial. I had to realize those kind of things so because when we started as a business you had a whole bunch of people that approach you saying hey you know I want to do this I want to do that but this is all I can give you or can you do it for free. You know so I had to take my call eventually in terms of where is the fine line of me being an entrepreneur a brand new company buy. And then eventually saying hey you know what. This is what I can do for you and this is what I can’t do for you. Yeah. So saying no was the difficult part for me on the initial few years of my life was there stories where you said yes we should have said no and it turned out poorly.

[00:29:53.630] –

I think more than that when you think of one or the worst.

[00:29:56.750]

Oh. I mean I’ve been. Was the worst for you got yourself into in those early years the early earliest probably. You know I trusted people too quickly because I was excited about you know starting a business and you know I promised them you know the whole world and and they promised me that you know they would do this and that and having no contracts in place and those kind of things I have gone done probably 80 hours a hundred hours two hundred hours. I mean that kind of ridiculous kind of work to go back with probably five hours of pay now.

[00:30:31.180]

Yeah.

[00:30:32.030]

As a simple example like you know so. Yeah. Because because of one I was excited I was definitely excited because I want to go do what I love because now in a space I can do whatever I love. And but not every good thing was beneficial for me. So the project was great because I got to design or do whatever I wanted to express in terms of my whatever. So I did the research to bring the whole world to the to the person know what I’m contributing to but it wasn’t really beneficial for me it was a benefit for him or her but not necessarily for me.

[00:31:07.430] –

So there’s a how how do you then in those early years when you don’t have a large portfolio you don’t have a large level of experience for you where do you see the tension where the balance point between doing free work or I don’t want to use discounted work but doing work that you know is not going to pay what it should. Yeah but it’s it will have a positive aura. Y yeah. In other ways whether it’s through a relationship whether it’s through OK this would be a portfolio piece that I would then be able to leverage off of in the future. How how deep how did you or do you now with your experience um pass those out where you can see and say you know what I’m going to put an investment in here I’m going to do the two hundred hours even though I’m only gonna get paid for one hundred hours or whatever but I know they’ll be a leverage that in the future. There’s ways that you do that.

[00:32:14.360]

Yeah. So transitioning from work to the business itself. Like I said there were a few key relationships that I had built over the years in the three years that I was working for the company that I was working for. That’s like I said that’s an again a nature I took away from my my father and my mother which is relational. My dad in that case generosity was something that I always had. So even if I meet someone I always connect with them in the best way possible with who I am and I tend to keep that relationship active. All right so I did not poach any clients that I was working in come from the company that I was working for but there were people who approached me saying listen we don’t mind you doing work with us. So those are the those are the relationships that I nurtured through the years that bridge me across to the new set up there. OK. So there were few people that really kind of stood with me irrelevant of where I was. You know I mean I was fortunate I if I may say while probably I was intentional with the few people that I wanted to be in relationship with the crossover as well. And that really helped me to kind of build on and that of course I made mistakes like I’ve shared with you earlier as well. But those are the kind of things that helped me kind of nudge in the right direction. So even though I was a brand new company I wasn’t a brand new person I’m like that doesn’t make sense. Yeah. So there was a relationship enough for me to kind of leverage on because I had built that in the past three years while I was in the market while I was in the industry like you know so. So people knew me the other the boss I’m talking about and him and I we had a similar first name which which is my official name. So in the market we used to be known as Junior and Senior so even that helped because we were known as Junior and Senior in the market already and already we were lingering with a certain type of crowd and a certain level of Klein tell which helped put me on the radar which I saw as a potential opportunity for the future not in a conniving way but to maintain relationship with them even though I might not do work with them immediately you know. So that really helped me bridge over and then build on that. Mm hmm. And the funny thing is I’ve just to throw in there till date we haven’t I haven’t marketed as such the interior business so far.

[00:34:43.460]

Really. Yes. So it’s just all people coming to you from that network of relationship right. I think it’s you talked about your parents and that your mom had these systems and discipline. That seems like you would have then been able to leverage into kind of business systems into your life he had to manage those and adapt those. Yeah but then you talk about a lot about generosity and about how your dad paid attention to the details of your life. I said Oh he likes music. I’m gonna get on a little keyboard. Yeah I’ve noticed that detail of that generosity in you and your attention to detail. You know even small things like oh it’s your son’s first birthday. Yeah I remember getting a phone call on my son’s first birthday and I was like Wow. It’s like not a lot of people make a phone call on your you know your friends kid’s birthday to ask how your family is doing. They ask how the kid’s doing etc.. And so as there is a scene you that that came from your father. Yes. That generosity in the attention to detail which says to to that person. I see you you’re valuable. You’re special. Yeah. Is that how you nurtured those business relationships just by your personality. You said these relationships these people are valuable whether I get a contract out of them or not. And did that lay a foundation for them to come to you.

[00:36:22.070]

Yeah it absolutely did. Because that to me was not second nature. It was first nature because for me I didn’t have to put on generosity I didn’t have to put on a relationship it wasn’t fake. It wasn’t it wasn’t a show. It wasn’t a show. I mean it at least I didn’t have to you know work on it as such. And that’s you know bringing always makes a difference as well. You always say if you want to know somebody in terms of who they are today just just look at a little bit of their history and or go back into their family in terms of who the people are that that brought them up.

[00:36:54.980]

So for me it was definitely first nature because like my dad used to have a little diary or a book or whatever you might say you know and then he used to write in that single case so and so but but and that and I’ve seen him do this and I’ve seen him hey son let’s call them because it’s s like okay cool you know. So it was in my system all throughout and even today I’m the same way. I just put it on my phone if I know if it’s a friend’s but you suddenly say you know just say happy but I wonder whatever it might be. It’s the relational equity that you build up that makes the difference. So I always that was always a lot of my life. So. And it still is. And I’m now knowing that I want to work on it more because I know that’s the color of everything I do. Yeah. How have you started out working on that more. Oh yeah absolutely. I’ve been working on that forever. Literally what.

[00:37:48.180] –

What today. Now that you’re 39. Yeah you have not a lot of water underneath the bridge. I think you have a lot of years in front of you. I don’t even think you’ve reached your prime yet. I think Sparky is prime is going to be in a couple of decades and you’re gonna be like really taking over the world but what are you doing today. I love two things about this one. It’s it’s a continual process of saying that you haven’t arrived yet. And to it’s recognizing the deficiencies in your character and in your person that says these are areas I want to grow. Maybe there’s more things it’s it’s this when I think of when I think what would Sparky do when I think of you I see this hyper focus in this. I can’t think of another word but you abhor passivity right. And yet in those those interior areas of your life. So what what things you’ve probably done that things when you were younger. Like just putting something in a phone. Yeah. What are you doing today. Right. To go deeper in maturing those relationships and networks around you. Yeah that’s someone listening might be able to apply.

[00:39:06.220] –  1

Right. I think for me I wasn’t a saint. I mean I was not. I’m still out of St.. Or I’m not arrived like I was. I liked it. I even counted this question that you’re asking me. I abhor the passive nature but I have been through phases of procrastination. On the extreme end as well so I’m just placing that out. Good but just seeing that I’ve realized I need to start it at home is something that I’ve made it a primary thing because if I want to be generous to the world I need to be generous at home.

[00:39:38.570]

Yes. So if I’m not absolutely be able to generous with my my dad to say the immediate family. You know let it be a spouse. So let it be your kid or your children or whatever it might be because that’s where it starts. Because when you can practice at home and be good at it you can be the best or the better of it.

[00:39:58.010]

Outside the home places where I like so this is something that I’ve always it’s it’s been on my mind but it’s not been easy because relationship is not easy you know. So because it’s something you have to work on let your wife let it be her husband or let it be a kid because life throws surprises at you and when you throw it when you get surprises How do you react to it is the most important thing. That’s something that I had to learn the hard way you know so I’m still learning you know so probably that’s one thing I can definitely say that practicing at home is something that I’m making it more intentional than doing it outside so because it becomes again first nature to me because it’s something that I do on a daily basis to the people that are most vulnerable. But yeah because that’s where you need to be yourself and if you can be that self outside as well then there needs to be a check. And that’s called Reality Check. Yeah you need to stop and say hey it’s not something’s not working so that’s something is usually it’s just you that needs to think in the right way like you know. So what brought you to that conclusion. Oh it’s probably years of good and bad experience really. Like you know we’ve had to learn things the hard way let it be bad choices or luck. Same thing. You know it’s just the scale of choices that I have made over the years that has probably pruned me trimmed mean or expanded me or you know a on me to make those choices.

[00:41:27.950] –

Did you feel like you had a a blind spot in the area of nurturing your family that caused you to wake up to the fact like oh wait if I’m not able to take care of my household and my personal and my family in this manner then what is what is going to make me think that I’m going to be able to do this right.

[00:41:47.060]

Beyond that the blind spot is very simple it’s my passion for work. And so that was my blind spot pretty much because I was so engrossed in what I’ve been doing or what I want to do. Yeah I’m constantly in that space where I’m engaged more than I meant to be engaged. Yeah literally that’s my Yeah. I mean I can’t help it like you know it’s just something like that. It’s just that I just can’t help it I wake up and I think about stuff you know.

[00:42:14.130]

Yeah yeah. So it’s good on his bad yeah.

[00:42:17.300]

It’s so it’s just that I had to learn that over the years that not everything is great or not everything is required right now or there is the time for everything there’s a season for everything so it’s a majority that that had to come through the times that I had journey that you know brought me into that places right actually.

[00:42:36.570] –

And how did you come to see. Was it was it pain in conflict within family situations that woke you up to a blind spot or was it a mentor that stepped in said Hey Sparky I think you have a blind spot here. What was what was like Is there a story behind it a fake because that’s the thing with a blind spot right. That’s the thing with deception if you’re deceived you don’t know that you’re deceived which is what’s scary about deception. If you have a blind spot you don’t know that you have a prime spot which is Yeah that’s a scary thing how how do you discover and how do you tackle blind spots. What processes what disciplines what what things can we do to attack those areas right.

[00:43:21.800]

So I’ve had the business for about 16 years now. Out of that 14 years I’ve been married. So that’s that was ground one for me actually because I was fortunate to marry someone who is you know open hearted and in a place where you know equally she wants to explore the world as well. And all of that but I was probably very focused on my work more than what I need to give at home. So which eventually build frustration and relationship with the even between me and my wife you know. So where were it every now and then I had to be reminded like wait a second what am I in this relationship for like you know am I just cruising through just knowing that okay. She’s my wife and it’s a it’s a check you know or is it something that I need to invest into as a relationship you know. So so those are the reality checks I’ve had the hard that the the difficult times where I had to stop and say OK fine is it all worth it at the cost of losing my my partner.

[00:44:27.650]

You know it’s not. No it’s not. So those are the kind of things that is definitely not made me step step back and say OK fine maybe I just to it reanalyze the whole process and then look at it differently so that it can benefit us not just me again. So so that would be one thing that I can say that that was probably the blind spot was me being so engrossed in what I’m doing I forget to value the most important thing. Yeah then yeah which is priority wise relationship like you know. So yes. And not my business. So. So I had to be aware of that before it turns into something really bad. Mm hmm. And it could have if I didn’t stop or if certain people like you said mentors that stops and say Hey man you know probably you should just take it easy you know. Don’t be so so adventurous. I mean these are not I mean I give my life to certain people that can speak into my life. There’s no negative people that don’t see the opportunity in the life of what we’re doing. But at least the people that I value that I can take advice from like you know so. Right. Yeah.

[00:45:35.360]

So those are kind of things that kept me probably sane and grounded and connected and marriage for far too many years married for 14. That’s I mean that’s a sign and wonder right there it is it is it’s it’s it’s it’s not easy yet it’s it’s the the most beautiful thing when you actually know when you’re doing something right.

[00:45:54.050]

Is there do you have a practical of OK you wake up to your blind spot you realize OK I’ve been focusing too much in my my work I haven’t been investing into my family into my kids or into my wife. Someone maybe speaks into it. What. What course of action. Like what. You can’t just say OK well I’m going to take a two week vacation. You just can focus on you babe. Like how do you then begin to pivot your life so that you’re investing into those relationships in the way that they need to be.

[00:46:34.610]

Believe me or not it was trial and error and it was one of those things like Hey babe maybe you should go for a holiday.

[00:46:41.990]

Did it work.

[00:46:44.570]

I came back and I continued doing exactly what I was doing before. How did you come because let me I I come back from that and then I feel flooded with anxiety that I haven’t taken care of my other responsibilities.

[00:46:57.080]

Absolutely because I’ve just bottled it in the pool down on the kitchen with my wife you know so but that was it.

[00:47:06.920]

I mean I had. It was trial and error. It wasn’t an overnight thing actually. I’m still learning it myself. I mean even after so many years I’m still trying to figure it out because but it was a realization that I had to consciously make to work on. So it wasn’t overnight.

[00:47:23.150]

Yeah and it’s definitely not gonna be ever an arrival or play right.

[00:47:29.320] –

You know but for sort of like is it some business contacts it’s a simple thing that you’ve done is you write down birthdays. Yeah. And you pay attention to details to be generous with them. Yeah. What ways have you done that with your your wife and your son. What like. I mean you’re not going to be writing down her birthday hoping to remember it and calling her a baby just remember.

[00:47:55.670]

Yeah. My sense is it’s your birthday today anyways babe.

[00:48:00.500]

Yeah. Probably not. That’s not a good idea. So no but other things in terms of like a deal like that on a daily basis on a daily weekly.

[00:48:07.830] –

Right. It’s those relationships that need to be invested in drip drip drip every day. Yeah every week. What was found. Where have you found that works for you in your marriage. Every every person has a different love language every person has a different desire in a way that you connect every relationships different. Yeah but what for you has worked.

[00:48:29.890]

Yeah. For me I think that attention to detail in terms of life and what she likes because I’m I’m a gift person. Yes. My my way of expression is I will give you a gift. And that’s how I express my love for the other person because I’ve always found the things that she love or let it be her first Mac book you know. Yeah when I was still a premium thing few years ago you know those kind of things are all first I was that Riddick is love language. Well she loves receiving gifts but quality time was another thing as well. And communication expression she’s not a she doesn’t speak probably as much as I do but I like to express my heart to her which makes her emotionally strong like words of encouragement of encouragement. Exactly. And I see potential and I encourage her to you know go do something. Let me first thing I wanted her to do was learning learn to drive. And as soon as we got married it’s like you go learn to drive by your car so that you can be independent. That was something that I was very particular about from day one. You know she never got that probably from home or her family was different and my family wasn’t that I’ve have seen my mom didn’t get that. Mm hmm. And so there were certain things in my mind that I wanted to either bless or see the opportunities or potential from her life and pull it out and then encourage her to keep going as well.

[00:49:56.780] –

So in many ways it’s it goes back to generosity right. It’s how you’re being generous with your words. You have to be generous with your time. Yeah. Yeah. And it takes effort. It does. It’s not it takes intentionality it takes like you say attention to detail.

[00:50:10.710]

Yeah absolutely because my my my my journey into marriage was with the mindset of not being divorced you know. So I walked in saying divorce is not an option in my marriage. Absolutely. The moment I walked in into marriage with that sort of a mindset for me to look at things to work out was a bit more easier because I didn’t look for escape. Yeah.

[00:50:32.480] –

You’re playing a different game. Exactly. The second that you say like I cannot like there is no loser. You can’t just like no reset. New game. No it changes the way that you play it evolves.

[00:50:43.610]

It changes. So you used to be flexible to be malleable to be in a place where you’re constantly wanting the best. Yeah. Even though it might not look rosy and you know whatever right now but still having the mindset of it’s not the end helps you to keep ticking helps you to keep moving forward. So that’s the kind of mindset I constantly had even in my marriage.

[00:51:07.880] –

It makes me. I used to play poker for a living. Right. Wow. And now when I play poker which I haven’t done in a while which is kind of sad I don’t know that actually. Yeah I do. I love it. All right. But when I play with just a bunch of guys. And if there’s not real money on the table. Right. We’re not actually risk something. Yeah. I can’t play right. It’s frustrating to no end because we were like It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s just a couple of boxers. Oh we’re not gonna play with real money. I can’t play that game because you’re actually not playing the game the way it’s supposed to be played. If you’re not risking something. If it’s not life or death. Then you’re actually not performing you’re actually not engaged. And I wonder how many people go into marriage thinking Well well it might end in divorce. Statistically at least in the West fit about 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. A lot of them happened within the first seven years. And I don’t know the mindset of what people are walking into marriage but kind of like off going off what you said. I walked in my wife and I we walked into our marriage with that same thing exact divorce is not an option. Yeah we it’s a life or death. We have to fight through this. And you know it’s you know when you stand up at least in the West you stand up you take a vow till death do us part. Yeah absolutely.

[00:52:33.180] –  3

Yeah it’s a it’s a covenant and it’s not a contract. I can say that. That’s the whole thing you know the contract it’s it’s there is an expiry date to what you’re entering into that’s a covenant it’s a whole different ballgame because it’s it’s it’s a it’s bigger than a contract you know. Yeah it’s it’s something that you’re vouching for something that you’re promising for but because I believe in everything that we do in this world starts with the government and then a contract if required. You know let it be a business matter. Yeah especially. Yeah. So that’s the approach. In terms of mindset that this again I think bits and bobs. My dad is a great man and he’s a good guy. But you know she he could have done a lot for my mom and my mom. I’ve heard her say if your dad wasn’t a good man I would’ve left him many years ago. So these kind of things have stayed with me like you know so that it’s the goodness that a person holds that joins a marriage together as well it’s the goodness in each other and keep so because goodness our love supersedes and or you know at all selfish desires and all you know things that could you know could probably break a marriage.

[00:53:40.210]

It’s the good good element. Like the true element of being good. Not not just you know buying a gift or trying to you know do something but being good in its truest sense. Yeah. Is actually what brings the bond and keeps the marriage moving forward. How would you define love. Oh love oh it’s a yeah. There’s so many facets to love to me. I would I would say generosity an expression of kindness. I always look at empathy then to me empathy is love. You know when you when you can and when you try to understand what the other person is going through and still being with them good element of what they’re going through and not judge them that that state or that place is an expression that I feel is love you know so because it’s something that you’re doing more more than what you could do. And for them it’s more than what they can expect you know. So it’s like a place of grace. Yeah. No one deserves it right but you’re in a place where you feel like you need to do it and they’re like in a place where they need where they received irrelevant of who they are. You know that’s love to me can I. Yeah. So there’s no defined measures that you know if you do this always love it’s it’s more than that great. So that that’s I mean in many ways.

[00:55:09.130]

Yeah. Yeah.

[00:55:11.100] –

No just because you said that it’s like it’s our goodness in our our love that supersedes and conquers or selfishness.

[00:55:18.780]

Absolutely. You said absolutely. That’s what it is. And again intentionality with that word is very important because you have to be intentional. It’s not a switch on switch off kind of a concept first of all and you need to be conscious of it and constant constantly constantly wanting to be applied or applying in your life. That’s that’s that’s what it is actually.

[00:55:42.960] –

So maybe a slight pivot here.

[00:55:46.260]

Yeah. You said again we’re talking about love or talking about you.

[00:55:56.710]

You talked about how or. Specifically how it is your generosity with your words and your intentionality with your words. That has been something that has built up your relationship.

[00:56:14.130] –

What I think back to a conversation we had a few years back were were your you were challenging me and exhorting me I think would be the correct word seem like you have to. You have to guard your words. You have to speak life. You have to speak blessing. You have to declare the truth of who your family is who your wife is. You have to be vigilant with your thoughts and your words. Which which is mindset which goes into all this that you can go into business. I just mean if you could unpack what you think about it how you view the power of our words to the power of the way that we think the way that we and then you know that falls into by the way that we set up our lives and what we choose to do and not do right.

[00:57:09.340] –  3

Yeah. This is I think probably one of my favorite things in life. If I may say it again I think I’m going back to the roots. I am a Christian so I believe in the scriptures. It’s it’s a vital part of who I am. It’s always good to know you know something that pours life into you and read that and you know make it a part of who you are. And so this is something my father again instilled in me from the time I was a kid. Simple things like you know reading a sudden thing in terms of mindset and applying it in your life and so somewhere it says you know a life and death is in the power of the tongue. Absolutely. This is something that stuck with me for years actually probably from the time I was in school. I’ve always been cautious in terms of cautious in a good way in terms of what I deliver from my mouth or I and I learned later that you know what goes in is equally important as well. And so for the longest time I thought it was just what comes out of my mouth like you know. All right. So from a very young age I was in that frame of mind that I will only speak what I think I can build with rather than destroy. And I always believed in the power of that and I never hoped to be in a situation that I would cause or swear at someone like you know I’m probably probably in my 11th and 12th grade season. I kind of used a lot of cuss words because of peer pressure or whatever it might be or the lifestyle isolating at that point of time. But even to say a swear word out of my mouth was was a no no because I made a decision with my that I can express that feeling in a better way or a more constructive way or use better vocabulary to express my heart than to use things that could probably change the course of someone else’s life. Yeah.

[00:59:06.610]

So speaking the right words whether we like it or not is the reality of life the world the universe the globe is built that way you can you can look at signs you can look at religion it’s it’s a fact that if you know if you look things up their words if words of death or words of curses are spoken on to something or on to people over a period of time that object or that person will deteriorate it’s just yeah it’s it’s brewing. So when we know that how much more we need to use the right words is something that I’ve always free my mind like you know so. And that being on on my heart is speaking life into someone or bringing the best out of someone or as you say you know let let me pull the gold out of you. It’s been always been in the core of my being like you know so how can I.

[01:00:03.610] –  3

How can I be that person that could you know probably the catalyst if I may say oh the person that can bring the good out of you by speaking the right things into you it’s something that I’ve always been conscious about actually so and I believe life and that is the part of the time because what we speak or what we say will either make or break. So it’s about choosing the right words in everything that we do all the time.

[01:00:31.630]

So how does that how do you eat you said he kind of touched on it a little bit of how you’re careful with which words you say words are building up.

[01:00:49.180] –

Not using words to tear down.

[01:00:52.070]

And how the things that we speak out over people is the things that people become. Yeah. If we speak words of life they will be blessed and will be like a refreshing water that causes them to grow or the Frisbee cause of death and curses they will deteriorate into you. Those words that are spoken over them. How does that play out into the two areas that we’ve been talking about one your family and to your business.

[01:01:20.390]

Yeah right. OK. In family right from day one I was well I was always you know even if you’re having the worst fight at home I’ve always held myself even though I’ve thought of things from actually saying it.

[01:01:35.830] –  3

So I’ve always been very careful that I will not even in a passing statement say that I think this is not what you know pursuing or this is I think this just matters is gonna end up in divorce. Like I said divorce has not been a part of our life or it’s not it’s not being a part of our vocabulary.

[01:01:54.760]

It’s very important because if you say it mean it. That’s that’s that’s me like you know. If not don’t say it because then you’re not a man of your word or or a woman of your word. You know so because what comes out. Please follow up with it. I can love that kind of an extreme mindset. Yeah well you know if I’m going to say it I’m going to do it. OK fine. We’re gonna get divorced and that’s what it is. And you know you don’t say divorce just to scare somebody just anyplace that’s manipulation. That’s just central power trips manipulation to control insecurity from the militant love. That’s not love. That’s insecurity starting with the person who’s saying it actually because that person is insecure enough to or in a place where they’re insecure to say those words to feel like they’re in control. That’s a whole different ballgame. Yeah. So it’s it’s a sense of security to start with and the humility to say that hey you know what that is better. Let’s see the better out of this. Let’s let’s talk the better part of it and you know let’s speak the better things so that you know. Yes. Yesterday was a bad day but let’s try not to do that again or whatever it might be like you know to build from there and not repeat it. And I’ve I’ve read like many times in my marriage I’ve said let’s not push it under the rug. Let’s talk it talk about it. Yeah. Because it is important. If you push it under the rug it’s gonna come back tomorrow. The parade and bitterness and resentment of sex. And from there we’re going to speak even further.

[01:03:12.970]

Bad things that are not going to you know build it’s gonna tear down and then push it back under the rug. Yeah. So I’ve always been gosh very conscious about speaking that I things into the into the marriage that I’m that you know all the way through these years actually. And in any work that applies the same knee as well with the people with the customers with the client that I interact with with with my approach to the day I mean I wake up thinking it’s a good day. You know I’m not delusional right. But I want to think it’s a good day. So I’m already setting myself up to be in a place where I want to do the right things and speak the right things and say the right things or things that I things as well actually. So that helps me to build and posture myself to receive people who are coming with whatever they’re coming with and be able to either dis disarm them if they’re in a hostile place and or bring peace and then approach it from that perspective.

[01:04:10.270] –  3

So bringing them to my state of calm or positivity or longevity or whatever it might be like you know so that’s something I apply in business very very very strongly and I’m very particular about that very very.

[01:04:26.350] –

You said you going back you said a little you said that thoughts will come into your mind that you choose not to speak. Absolutely.

[01:04:33.820]

Yeah and tied to some thoughts together throughout so far this episode you were talking earlier talking about being intentional in networking and realizing that if doesn’t start in the home.

[01:04:52.360] –

Yeah. If you’re not speaking words of life or if you’re not maintaining you maintain you for not investing into relationships inside the home then it’s not going to happen out. And then I think taking it another step closer or smaller in the kind of domain of influence over yourself in the scriptures it says out of the heart the mouth speaks. So if you’re speaking something it’s not by not by chance it’s the overflow of your heart. Absolutely. You know so what. I think the question is what is the overflow of our heart. Because the overflow of our heart is going to determine what we say when we’re in a conflict with our wife or conflict with our children or a conflict with our clients or businesses. Right. Absolutely.

[01:05:42.910]

Absolutely.

[01:05:45.970] –

Just going off this loop if you will if you’re actually just thinking how right they say in the military when you’re put into the battlefield where you put in to conflict you don’t arise to the place of your your optimum. Right. You fall back to the base of your training. Right. Right. And so I always think of when I’m in those places of conflict whether it’s with my wife or children or a colleague and something comes out of my mouth I’m like Oh that is a that is a litmus test that is a sign correct that there’s something in the domain of my personhood my character. Yes that is wrong. Yeah. That needs to. I need to work on correct. Is that the way that you think about it.

[01:06:34.540]

Absolutely so I mean putting all of that thing. What I can say is my question is what is influencing you today or what is influencing or has been influencing you over the years. Is my always look or point into because what is influencing us is what we’re going to express because what goes in is going to come out. So it’s important that what we take in is equally good than what we are meant to speak out. See. Bye bye. By the nature of God but how we created a career as emotional beings. And we have the tendency to do more probably bad than good somehow. That’s the way the world has kind of.

[01:07:14.930] –  3

Her history has certain proved that over the years we have been be more selfish than you know being selfless. Yeah. So when we are living in a world like that when we know it’s that way. It’s important that we input ourselves with the right things that you know create that overflow because all only comes by pouring in something like you know so. Right. So definitely pulling in or what we receiving in is the key part that we that will create the outcome. That’s going to you know overall come out of your life in terms of words or thoughts or process or whatever it might be. Right. So I feel the most important that I like to do or constantly do is surround myself with the right kind of people using the right kind of tools to improve my life and always being a place but I want to learn so that I can be a better person. Yeah that’s I’m constantly aware of this constantly aware of this on a day to day basis. I don’t take a holiday when it comes to that because I can’t because I need to constantly improve myself.

[01:08:18.970] –

So I think the influence is it’s not even it’s nothing like you need to constantly improve yourself it’s if you’re if you’re not being intentional of what you’re putting in. Yep. That means you’re you’re. There’s no like static either forward or it’s backwards. Absolutely. So how. Like how why would you take a vacation from developing character and so that that’s the thing again.

[01:08:44.529]

Thoughts of positivity. It’s it’s a posture you know it’s the posture of your mind a portion of your heart.

[01:08:52.000] –

And I constantly affected by what you put in not just. Well I’m going to consume whatever embalmed when to be a positive person.

[01:08:59.410]

Nice. It’s not because. But positivity is an outcome of a whole bunch of things that’s earlier influenced or ineffective that to bring you to that status for sure because it’s the food that you eat. Or it could be the people that you talk to that’s the music that you listen to. Yeah. There are so many things are the books that you read. There are so many facets that could post that you like on Instagram. Absolutely. Exactly in the world that we are today where I’m I’m I’m guilty equally like you know we we live in a goldfish syndrome. Yeah well I don’t know. Your attention span is so limited that if you don’t focus it into one place we are constantly built by the random things that we live in and the things that come out of us is equally random. Yeah because we are like no focus. I’m not able to. There’s there’s a reason why.

[01:09:45.910] –

Yeah it’s because what what’s going in is rubbish and even cover what’s going in if you look at that as like training. Yeah like that’s what we’re going to fall back on. If that’s the the deal day in day out regiment of words in in videos in media that we consume. Yeah when we’re in that place of conflict or pressure we are going to fall back to the the foundation of what we’ve consumed. Absolutely you’re not arise to some some apex of human goodness and the best of our character.

[01:10:24.430]

No no. Like you said you know in the military it’s about the training that that brings the best out of them and they or you know into that state where you know where they are doing what they have trained their mind to do and because of that brings success and victory like you know it’s the intentionality and the hours that’s been you know that’s put into it behind the scene. Now that makes you the person that you are when you’re outside outside as in even your spouse. Yeah. Forget the rest of the world. You know. Yeah. Because outside yourself. Yeah. It’s because of what you’ve put inside you.

[01:11:00.790] –

You. You’ve hit on it vaguely. When. When you’re back in your job you saw all these opportunities where you could take a shortcut in kind of leverage some of those relationships for your personal gain. And I think it’s cover talks about it in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the book but he. I haven’t read it in a while but was talking with a friend about it recently of how he talks about the world today is talking about charisma. It’s talking about saying the right things having the right tactics having the right hacks. It’s like this is how you network to then you know build a financial model whatever. And he actually says that’s a load of rubbish because it’s a house of cards that will essentially fall down. I see you’re just being a charismatic person that’s Hey Ray. How’s it going. And I like your show. You know it’s shallow and will fall. But what you’re talking about and what Franklin Covey Stephen coming talks about is character and that character is something that is built over time and that’s through discipline. And it’s the realization that we as humanity have shortcomings in our character that we are not basically good. But we actually have a propensity to selfishness. Absolutely. And that propensity to selfishness will ultimately hurt those around us and hurt us. Yes. And so what. As you’re talking when I’m processing through is hearing that at I don’t know the right word it is a challenge in a call. And if a daily focus and discipline on building our character of who we are as men in women how we not just who we are in the outside world but who we are in the interior of ourselves in our hearts and our minds a place that no one sees no one knows. But you in God. Yes that’s right. And working and developing our character and having strength in our character rather than oh I’m successful because I’m really charismatic. I mean I think of you Sparky and I wouldn’t necessarily say you’re a charismatic person. You’re not walking into the room and you know wining and dining and kind of swindling people. I would say you are a person of utmost character and because of that that character that strength of the person of who you are that attracts it impacts and effects people. And it’s almost like that charisma and character have hold a similar light. You know it’s almost looked the same and it can be very confusing. But character outlasts right and I see you as a person of character and because of that it comes off as charisma.

[01:14:07.350]

Right. Yeah I mean all throughout what you’re saying the only word I can think about is longevity. So that’s that that would be one thing I would look at anything like you know. So how long do you want it to last. You know so because like you said there can be the initial Kerry’s mouth whatever it might be you can bring in a will and the people and you know bring the crowd but then what then what.

[01:14:31.920]

You know. Right. How do you build the longevity that longevity comes by depth. Right. Definitely because it’s not the the the fruits that you see alone. You know it’s the roots and it’s the trunk. It’s a whole bunch of stuff. Yeah. So that that’s what actually is going to keep you going. So continually. Yeah. That is something that I enjoy again that I want to always work with in my life as well. It’s like what can I do.

[01:14:58.620] –  2

What can I do for Lucas today. What can I keep on doing for Lucas the next 10 years. You know maybe I’m just a good friend but then how can I do that really well right now so I can be there for him in the best way I can. And how can I keep on doing that and building on that or how you know that longevity element is what actually brings the sustainability you know sustainable part of that relationship or situation or project because even let it be with work. I didn’t look at a client to ascertain just great contract you know nice working with you. Are out of here.

[01:15:32.710]

No I look at longevity out of that project. Definitely it’s going to go into my portfolio. That’s great longevity. But what about the relationship. Right. If it’s something that can that can take you to the next step in terms of relationship in terms of work because it can I create that if I can create that then I want to be intentional about that. Then what does it take for me to do that. Is it a good thing for me. Let me make the choice. If then invest in it like you know so that longevity is something that I think that I will be you know. You know kind of focused on when I get into it that kind of a space right. So yeah. Does that make sense. Yeah it makes sense.

[01:16:13.020]

But as you’re sharing those thinking how would it’s it’s similar to I guess visual branding your visual identity.

[01:16:25.000] –

When when a company creates a really awesome brand. Right. It looks cool it’s all put together your proposals are like the the fanciest PDA you’ve ever seen. And it’s just like wow. It’s awesome. Yeah. Like that’s what I think of. Like charisma. That’s like your presentation but if you don’t deliver on your work like if if your outfit. Interior design outfit company has the greatest you know 3D mockups of like greatest yet branding marketing sales you have to create a sales team. If you’re able to build the greatest relationships but you failed to deliver on that promise. That’s character. That’s exactly right. And that longevity like that hurts the longevity of a company. Absolutely. You can do that once twice three times but by Number 10. Everyone knows the character of your company and that’s when I think of branding. When I think of that world I don’t think of the logo. Yeah I think what is the interior character. Yes of a company. And is that sound. Is that. Are you communicating those value propositions. Yeah I think likewise as humans. Yeah. If we are walking around in a relationship with the perfect tie of the right shoes all the T’s crossed and i’s dotted right. We’re not able to deliver on the character. Yeah that’s going to hurt us.

[01:17:59.640] –  2

It’s absolutely going to hurt us because it’s like it’s not going to keep you ticking. You know you will eventually you know you know crash and go into a place where you can keep that up anymore. Yeah. It’s not who you are. Yeah. So character is basically that’s what it is. It is who you are or makes you in a simple definition. So looking at that and building on that is the vital thing. We’ve been made a certain way and we keep building from there. Or if it’s negative we cut it off and build the good things into our nature into the process and then again think long term. Yeah. Jeff. That’s why because it’s important you want wanted to last. So definitely if you want it to last it has to be of something good. It has to be of great character. It has to be of great integrity or a quality that you can match with that loyalty. And you know there’s so many facets to that as well character element that it can be. Yeah. Offensive.

[01:19:03.230] –

Yeah. You talk. You mentioned this word longevity. And often in our conversations we talk about longevity. We talk about. You always mention something like when I look at a project. I don’t think of how can I make the money off what I need for today by Think of how can I buy time with this and how can this one project actually cover for five years of it continue impact that your worldview on money and on time and on longevity in that.

[01:19:37.950]

Right. I mean a typical example is I think in 2015 I executed a project with someone that I had a relationship with 16 for 16 17 years but all through the 16 17 years I knew that I could have approached that particular individual or the entity to do work with them. But I didn’t. But I I build on the relationship and on the longevity part of it seeing that one day when the time is right for my end I will engage with them to do something bigger you know. So but that happened initially because I did something small for them. There was a project or maybe it was just the small room that had to be refurbished or redone and because of that relationship or that project I found a relationship with the person that did it and the person that I did that project with was someone of great influence like tremendous power. So it was my. So it was my character to keep it alive in terms of relationship and active for 16 years to then engage now with the potential opportunity to take that into fruition round again. That makes sense. So one that I had to be mature enough to hold that within myself and build a character to God that relationship so that and yet not in a manipulative way but have the mind to be open enough to understand that there is going to be opportunity eventually is what led to that potential place where there was successfully to run from that which only led to deeper trust and greater measure of wealth actually so that that you know that it’s one of the examples I can share with you that makes sense like you know. So that’s something I’ve always always seen and applied through my life as well.

[01:21:36.490] –

And how do you think. What is your mindset your thought on wealth and money and time.

[01:21:42.940]

1. So when I started the business all I want because money which is not a bad thought. And it’s a great thing that’s a good thing but but then you know fast forward four five six years when it takes control of your life then everything you make in life a decision you make in life or choices you make in life is based on money. I’ve been through that as well. Oh yeah. OK. We’re going to do that holiday because I have this now. You know I’m going to do it because I can. Well what do you know to do to go into a place where where wealth takes control or grips your decisions and life and choices to to having the greatest or the saddest times of failure is the hardest time where there’s no money and everything you know what do you do now. Like you know so you eat because you don’t have money you can perform you know you’re basing your life around single I had money I could do everything. I don’t have money I can do anything.

[01:22:36.120]

Whereas it could go both ways as well you can have money and not do anything because you’re selfish or you can have you can have no money and not do anything and still have a very poverty kind of well I’m useless I’m pointless right. Can you live in the state of denial and you know that as an individual your greater than the money itself. And I saw my point on money today more than yesterday is that I think wealth is a state of mind because money is is just a number like you know that’s what I think. Well that wealth to me. Am I rich in my soul the marriage in my heart a marriage in my thinking a marriage and in the things that I’m doing because that’s what’s going to bring the numbers you know the medium part of it actually it’s purely a medium that helps us move things from a to b or B to C or in applying to something like We need air to breathe.

[01:23:29.990] –  2

You know that’s that’s what I see money and money as a medium money as as a number but wealth and richness being a state of mind constantly like you know so this is something that I’ve again learned the hard way. Yeah. So over the years as well actually.

[01:23:43.760]

So yeah that’s what I could say. So in closing one question. If you could give advice you could give a path for it. How what would you what could someone begin doing today.

[01:24:00.250] –

Yeah to begin to build that mindset to build that character to focus on building that interior world and stamina so that they’re able to carry responsibility in relationships and longevity and character over the decades. What can you do today. What’s the place that you start to find out where those blind spots are and then to figure out how to build up those blind spots.

[01:24:28.480]

Yeah I think to start with stop everything that we’re doing. What. Or whatever you’re doing and to take time out even if it’s a day or two or three or whatever. What would that looks like in your world and being true to yourself and asking you the hard questions Who am I what am I doing what I’m doing why am I doing what I’m doing. You know how does it cause influence to me and to the world. These kind of these kind of hard questions sometimes lead us to a potential place of wanting the right things to be plugged into our life and then consciously looking at your life right now in terms of who other people that are in my life.

[01:25:01.540] –  3

Are they building or they’re tearing down I’ll be just stagnant or are we just you know cruising and doing life or I’ll be building into something better. So look at the people around you. I mean we all love friends. I’m not saying cut people off or you know none of that stuff but making the right choices and investing your time with the right kind of places way you get the betterment of your life or a greater influence in your life and making those choices deliberately for wanting something better.

[01:25:28.210] –  2

So where were you last year today. Where are you going to be. Same day next year. I think these kind of questions when you know that you can measure some sort of a change in your life that you know that you can apply and be better and take those baby steps don’t don’t worry about you know what’s going to happen next year today. But at least worry about what’s gonna happen tomorrow. Let me get up on time or you know let me go do something or let me eat better. Like that’s something that I want to do with my life. You know I want to eat better today. You just started that kiddo diet. Absolutely and it’s killing me. But I know it’s going to lead into something good. Not today because it took me so many years to probably abuse my body to get to a place where it’s not healthy. Maybe it might take a few days to get to a better healthy place but at least I’ve started.

[01:26:11.500]

Yeah you know so at least stock yeah. Rather than us just thinking about it. So think about the few things. Write it down so that you see it outside of your head. So you look at it. Give it a time line so that you know you find this year today. This this day next year I want to be here. Give yourself a goal and then work on it so that so that you can progress into that person that you want to be. And then I think these are simple things that you know we take those baby steps and you know we walk and then we run. You know they’ve even sort of crawl we walk and then we run. So these these processes are you know God’s designed the universe a certain way look at things around you understand the process and then apply it. Yeah. Don’t be afraid to apply it do it. That’s very important.

[01:27:00.250] –

And do it. Yes like we probably know you know a lot of these things intuitively. Absolutely. But it’s that lack of action lack of doing.

[01:27:08.920]

Absolutely yes. The main thing is start planning and start and I think because of that success will come. So I think that’s what we want.

[01:27:17.710]

One thing that I can add can live within. And I’m I’m so like I said I’m so honored. This is amazing. I’m not doing the closing but I want you to do the closing. But it is it’s it’s something that I can and can leave you with today. I guess so.

[01:27:30.820]

Well Sparky thank you. Thank you so much for taking time out of your week weekend. And I’ve I didn’t think our conversation would go the direction that it did. But I think I’m not surprised that it went to character. I’m not surprised that went to taking responsibility for interior world spun stability for ourselves first and then our family and acting and living and an intentional way as responsible men and women first. And from that flows everything else in life from that flows wealth from that flows from that wealth mindset flows finances. Absolutely. So I’m not surprised that went that way and Sparky is always your your candidness your honesty your focus should drive intentionality. Living the life on purpose you know living in an examined life. I want to want to thank you as you have been a model to me of living that examines life living that life of Eyes Wide Open of saying like actually and I’m not perfect Actually I have a lot of flaws I actually I have struggles in these areas and that funeral ability and the transparency with others and with yourself is something more than admirable. I think it’s something that I aspire to more and more and that I think is an amazing picture for other people to be encouraged and to aspire to as well. So I thank you for being you. And thank you for your time today.

[01:29:21.960] –  1

Thank you for your time and it was my absolute pleasure and honor to be with you today. Thank you. Yeah.

[01:29:28.180]

Sparky Cheers Cheers. Thank you for listening to this week’s episode of own the future. You can find all of Sparky his information in the show notes if you’ve gotten this far into the episode and are still listening. I would ask for you to go to whatever platform you were listening on and leave a review of the podcast. And if this episode challenged you please pass it on and share it with a friend. This week I’m your host Lucas crowbar and remember if you own your story you will own the future.